Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize