Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
