saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
