WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
