i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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