Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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