the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
