I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
