hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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