no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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