"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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