so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
