Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
