They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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