you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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