my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
