just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
a search helicopter?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
