my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
