Me too!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
