he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
