drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
