I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize