my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
