well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We need to get me chipped asap
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
