one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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