did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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