I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
