well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
