First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
