What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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