I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
