Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
