maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
