the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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