look no pants
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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