i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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