I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Quick, to the slutcave!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
