I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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