The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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