I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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