So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
