I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
