: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
