Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
