Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
