you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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