Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
