Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
