we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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