YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
