i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
