I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
