Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
