you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
