just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
