I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
