There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
