kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Operation Purity has been aborted
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Let's paint friendship bongs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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