I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
