Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
