he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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