So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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