cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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