She's JV to your varsity
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
