My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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