I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
