Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
