He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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