Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
