she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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