Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
