Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
