ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
