You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
