i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I need to stop coming to work sober
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
