It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Boobs speak an international language.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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