All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
