please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
